


Dinner

by yeolakkuma



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Drinking, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hanahaki Disease, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-04 12:24:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14592963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeolakkuma/pseuds/yeolakkuma
Summary: It started with dinner for two, then for three.And then Junmyeon started coughing up flowers.





	Dinner

**Author's Note:**

> prompt # : 165  
> a|n: this is very, very different than my normal style. please be gentle and enjoy.  
> a|n #2: i've been seeing a trend as of late on lots of fest works. i want to give the heads up : i **do not want** constructive criticism. i am a very skilled writer but went through some rough patches during this fest's timeline. comments and love are very much appreciated but i'm not in need of any sort of "educational" feedback.

_It’s 7:30._

 

And Junmyeon was sitting patiently at his favorite restaurant waiting. A moment later Sehun finally walked in and sat down across from him. He looked as amazing as ever. Junmyeon stared at his pushed back blond hair and bright eyes.

 

"Sorry, I was wrapped up in dance practice."

 

"That's okay. I already ordered drinks."

 

Sehun smiled and Junmyeon had to look away. It was no one's fault but his own. Years of friendship turned into Junmyeon falling in love with Sehun. He kept it to himself but every now and then, Junmyeon had to tear his eyes away, else he would fall more.

 

They had dinner together often, just the two of them. It was usually on weekends when Junmyeon didn't have work, but lately, Sehun had taken to dancing more and more often. His weekends started to fill up with extra practices that ran into their usual dinner time.

 

"What did you order?"

 

"Red wine."

 

"Perfect. I could use a drink."

 

The server set down a bottle of wine for the two of them. Junmyeon poured them each a glass before they started talking about whatever topics they could think of. Junmyeon talked about work, Sehun talked about dance. He talked animatedly about the moves and the music. He briefly mentioned the other dancers and Junmyeon sensed he had finally made a few more friends.

 

Junmyeon was almost always silent, taking in everything and smiling fondly. Sometimes it was easier to do than to talk. Sehun had this way of leading conversations where Junmyeon failed to keep things afloat. Sehun had many qualities that complimented Junmyeon, but they had never gone into more than friends.

 

Even if Junmyeon was hopelessly in love with Sehun.

 

_It’s 8:30._

 

And Junmyeon was mapping Sehun's freckles and the way his pink cheeks turned darker the more wine he drank. He was much more touchy when he was like this, and sometimes it hurt Junmyeon. Sehun would move closer and lace their fingers. He would smile into the rims of glasses or cover his face. Junmyeon loved the way his eyes disappeared, especially when he would laugh with his whole body.

 

"Your jokes are so dumb!"

 

"Then why are you laughing so hard?"

 

"I guess I'm drunk enough to find you funny."

 

Sehun set his head on Junmyeon's shoulder for a moment before smiling. These moments hurt Junmyeon the most. He swallowed hard trying not to lean over and kiss Sehun. It was hard. His heart wanted more than it could have. Instead, he took another sip of wine as Sehun calmed down and sighed.

 

"Sorry I was late. I know you hate it when I don't show up on time."

 

"I'm just glad you still show up."

 

Sehun sighed again, then sat up. He looked serious and it had Junmyeon's heart racing. He squeezed Junmyeon's hand before looking up.

 

"Can I bring someone next time? I think you would like him."

 

Junmyeon tensed, eyes widening. Bring someone? Junmyeon thought for a moment before he pushed his feelings down. It would be unfair to say no. Junmyeon and Sehun were not boyfriends, they were just friends. If Sehun wanted to bring someone to dinner to meet Junmyeon, he was something serious.

 

"Sure. You can bring them next weekend."

 

"Awesome! I think you're going to really love him. He's in my dance class so, we have a lot in common."

 

_You make me alone._

 

Junmyeon pushed down the tears that threatened and smiled tightly. Sehun didn't seem to notice, sipping his wine until he was finished. So, the reason Sehun was late was because of a boy. Junmyeon knew it could and would happen eventually. Sehun would find someone that complimented him better, and fall in love. Somehow Junmyeon thought that day wouldn't come and he could keep Sehun to himself. Try as he might, Junmyeon never wanted Sehun to feel like he couldn't date or be with someone. Junmyeon kept his feelings locked tight and continued dinner like normal.

 

 

  


 

_It’s 7:30._

 

His name was Jongin.

 

He came the next weekend and Junmyeon was captivated by how breathtakingly attractive he was. He was like Sehun in the way he smiled and laughed. Jongin talked to Junmyeon a lot; about what they had in common, about work, about school, about dance. Junmyeon wasn't sure why Sehun had brought him. The more they talked, the more Junmyeon felt confused.

 

Was Jongin here for him? Or Sehun?

 

"Sehun talks about you a lot. I feel like I know you already."

 

Jongin's cheeks were just as red as Sehun's had been before. He smiled shyly ducking his head and biting his lip. Sehun nudged him playfully before putting his hand on Junmyeon's knee. The motion went straight to his heart and strangled it. He smiled though as Sehun leaned over to whisper in his ear as Jongin looked out the window.

 

"He's really great huh?"

 

Junmyeon nodded, feeling the way Sehun moved his hand to lace their fingers. Junmyeon choked but decided not to let it show. Jongin looked back and smiled brightly. He really was gorgeous. He was also intelligent and charming. Junmyeon really enjoyed his company.

 

_It’s 8:30._

 

Things were going fine. Jongin was laughing at all of Junmyeon's jokes and had even moved closer. They shared a dessert after dinner and Junmyeon was starting to think maybe Sehun had brought him along in hopes Junmyeon would want to go on a date with him. It was a thought even if Junmyeon was in love with Sehun.

 

"Can I - Would it be okay if I came next weekend too?"

 

Jongin leaned a bit closer putting his chin on his hand. Junmyeon saw him look up through his lashes and nodded. "Yeah. I don't mind."

 

Junmyeon really didn't, not then. Jongin smiled so big that Junmyeon immediately returned it. They sat for another few moments talking and finishing their wine before Sehun said he was getting tired. Junmyeon paid for dinner like he usually did as Sehun and Jongin started toward the door. Junmyeon followed closely. They parted ways with the promise of dinner again the next weekend.

 

_You make me alone._

 

The cool night air took Junmyeon's breath away, then the rain started. Jongin grabbed onto Sehun leaning into his arms. They stopped near a streetlamp and Junmyeon finally let himself cry. Sehun pulled Jongin flush with him and cupped his face kissing him full on the lips. He hadn't been there for Junmyeon at all. He was there to impress him. Junmyeon felt a tingle in his throat and wondered if maybe he should stop drinking and go home earlier. He turned around feeling like the weight of the world was crushing him.

 

 

  


_It’s 7:30._

 

And Junmyeon was sitting across from Sehun and Jongin. He stared for too long at the way Jongin looked at Sehun and the way Sehun cupped his face. It hurt; a lot. Junmyeon decided to sip his wine and try not to pay attention to the ache in his heart or the tickle in this throat. He should have seen a doctor but he didn’t really want to. Whatever it was could wait.

 

The night was just like the last dinner they had. It was raining hard. Junmyeon watched the drops fall down the window as he kept drinking. He was drinking more wine than his two dinner partners. It seemed they were too wrapped up in each other to even notice that Junmyeon was coughing here and there.

 

_It’s 8:30._

 

They ate in near silence. Junmyeon would have to stop in the middle of chewing his steak to try and cough. With each passing moment, the urge to cough came more and more often until he had to take a sip of water. It only made it subside for a little bit before he had to take another sip. He would sip his wine, then sip water.

 

The first to notice was Jongin. He turned his head from whispering to Sehun and asked if Junmyeon was alright. He just waved it off saying the weather had him feeling unwell. In reality, Junmyeon knew. He knew it was far worse than the weather, or even allergies. It was a feeling deep down in his gut.

 

There was something growing in him and there was no way to control it.

 

_You make me alone._

 

Thunder cracked and Junmyeon couldn't take it anymore. He had watched Sehun and Jongin sneaking kisses from each other. He knew they were holding hands and brushing shoulders. It hurt too much. He stood up and threw some money down on the table before heading toward the door.

 

"Wait...why are you leaving?"

 

Sehun caught him by the shoulder and Junmyeon jerked out of it, tears streaming down his face, "I just want to be alone."

 

It was the last thing he said before he walked home in the rain. He didn't much care that he was soaked when he got home. He slipped out of all of his clothes before putting on sweats and coughing harshly. He fell to his knees in his living room feeling suffocated in his own skin.

 

It was the first time he held the flower that had been sitting in his chest. It was pure white with a beautiful deep burgundy and black center. There were six long stamens with bright orange-yellow anthers. The flower fit into the palms of his hands as he cried. It was so lovely just like Sehun.

 

A black eye Asiatic lily just for Sehun.

 

 

  


_It’s 7:30._

 

Junmyeon hadn’t moved from the couch much at all that week. He took sick time off from work and saw a doctor. It wasn’t like he didn’t know what they were going to tell him. Coughing up flowers was almost self-explanatory, but he still needed a professional opinion.

 

_“Your love is killing you.”_

 

_“You only have a few options.”_

 

_“Hanahaki is a terminal illness, Junmyeon.”_

 

He stared at all the papers spread across the coffee table wondering what he should do. The doctor was right; there weren’t many options. The one that he was considering weighed on him heavily. If he had surgery, it removed all the flowering plants and all of the feelings, but he also risked losing his memories. Junmyeon had cried thinking about losing all of his precious memories of Sehun and him as children, as teens, as adults.

 

_It’s 8:30._

 

And Junmyeon had listened to the voicemail from Sehun five more times.

 

_“You didn’t show up today. You have me and Jongin really worried. Why were you crying last week? Are you okay? If there’s anything we can do, just let me know.”_

 

Love me, Junmyeon wanted to say, leave him and love me. It was the best option, the one that didn’t need medication or surgery. If Sehun just loved Junmyeon in return, he wouldn’t be coughing up more flowers and petals. He wouldn’t have vases full of bouquets and bowls full of petals. He would be fine.

 

Junmyeon could barely eat.

 

_You make me alone._

 

As he stared out the window, the rain started again. He felt like the weather. The sky was dark and cloudy. The rain would come soon after and stay until late in the night. Junmyeon stood there until the tears started to fall into his mug of tea. There was nothing for him to do. Calling Sehun felt selfish. Calling Jongin felt shameful. Instead, he finished his tea, coughed up more flowers, and laid down to sleep.

 

Alone.

 

 

  


_It’s 7:30._

 

It had been two more weeks since Junmyeon first skipped dinner; making it about three weeks since the last time he had seen Sehun. His heart ached more and more when he thought about Sehun. It ached, even more, when he thought about the fact he was happy with Jongin. Junmyeon had several more missed calls and even more text messages. He only replied once saying he was fine.

 

It was a lie, and sooner or later, Sehun was going to pick up on it.

 

_It’s 8:30._

 

The apartment Junmyeon had lived in for years was filled with vases now. Everywhere there was a space, there were bouquets of flowers. He had even bought fillers so that each arrangement looked more complete. When the flowers would die, he would just replace them. It wasn’t like he didn’t have them. Every moment of the day he was coughing up something. His love was suffocating him.

 

The last call came through and Junmyeon almost answered it. He let it go instead when he started coughing up more flowers. A moment later the voicemail notification came up and so did more lilies. Junmyeon had started crying over how many there were. His love was so strong for Sehun that he could barely handle looking at all of the flowers.

 

There were vases on the coffee table, on the bookshelf, and on the floor. There were large pots and small tea cups filled with something. There were so many flowers, Junmyeon thought soon enough he wouldn’t even have space for himself. That was what the love felt like. He loved Sehun so much there was no space for him now. The flowers took it over when Sehun didn’t return his love.

 

_You make me alone._

 

_“Junmyeon. I miss you. I haven’t seen you in weeks. If you don’t show up next week, I’m coming over.”_

 

Junmyeon listened to the voicemail over and over. _I miss you_. Junmyeon hadn’t heard those words in a long time. He curled up on the floor wondering just what he would do or say. He still hadn’t decided on if he was going to have surgery. He didn’t want to risk everything, but he knew if he didn’t make a decision soon, he wouldn’t make it.

 

And he would be alone.

 

 

  


_It’s 7:30._

 

And Junmyeon was well aware sooner or later Sehun was going to show up. He hadn’t made much of a move from his spot on the couch. He had showered, eaten, and sat down only moving to get more water or cough up flowers. He had stopped putting them in vases and instead left them where they landed. The floor was nearly covered and Junmyeon paid them no mind as he walked over stems, petals, and leaves.

 

_It’s 8:30._

 

Sehun had been knocking for ten minutes, but Junmyeon couldn’t pick himself up off the floor. He knew that when Sehun had enough, he would lift the mat and use the extra key. Junmyeon was afraid of that. He didn’t want Sehun to see him in this state. His eyes were puffy from crying so much and coughing. His hair was a complete mess. He was drenched in sweat and shivering from fever chills. It was the worst he had been.

 

With Sehun just feet away, it hurt so bad.

 

_Don’t leave me alone._

 

Sehun used the key not long after Junmyeon heaved up several flowers. They laid around him on the floor as Sehun walked in slowly. Junmyeon had laid himself on the floor curling his knees up to his stomach. He was on his side as Sehun knelt down with tears in his eyes. The pain that was reflected was nothing like what Junmyeon felt; the pain of trying to choose between loving and losing or death.

 

Junmyeon didn’t want to choose either but eventually, the choice wouldn’t be his.

 

Sehun pushed the hair from his face and wiped his cheeks. His hands were cool to the touch and lingered around Junmyeon’s lips. They were swollen and chapped. He hadn’t been taking care of himself like he usually did. Between being sick and being in love, Junmyeon hadn’t cared to do more than necessary.

 

“You’re killing yourself.”

 

The choked words came out like a cry and Sehun started throwing the flowers wherever he could. He picked Junmyeon up off the floor and carried him into the bathroom. Junmyeon hadn’t bathed and felt embarrassed as Sehun stripped him down and put him in the tub. Junmyeon finally got a good look at Sehun who had a bruised cheek and red face. Junmyeon lifted his hand and touched it carefully feeling like another flower might come up as Sehun started the water.

 

“He told me I was being dumb and childish.”

 

Sehun said no more and Junmyeon was afraid to ask. The water was warm against Junmyeon’s skin as he bravely leaned over and did the one thing he had always wanted to do. He needed to do it now while there was still time. He gently pressed his lips against Sehun’s cheek, tears falling down his own face. Sehun looked back at him and gasped.

 

“It’s me, isn’t it? It’s me who’s killing you; not Jongin. He was right.”

 

“It’s always been you. I’ve never loved anyone else.”

 

Junmyeon looked down at the water. There were a few petals floating around that had been stuck to his skin. Sehun picked one up rubbing it between his fingers. Junmyeon heard him sniffled and looked up to see him crying. He held the petal in his palm before sobbing.

 

“I’ve only been seeing Jongin to make you jealous, and instead I was hurting you. I’m so sorry. We were never actually dating. He’s very much in love with someone else.”

 

“Being in love can hurt, Sehun.”

 

“I know.”

 

Junmyeon watched as Sehun pulled something from his pocket. Junmyeon looked it over before realizing exactly what it was. _He’s very much in love with someone else._ Sehun held the pressed, sealed rose in his hand.

 

“It’s called a ‘black baccara’. He’s not in the state you’re in but it’s only a matter of time. It was why he told me to come here and tell you…”

 

Sehun stopped setting the rose on the floor. He leaned over the tub and cupped Junmyeon’s face carefully. Junmyeon had finally stopped crying. He hiccuped as Sehun leaned closer and pressed his forehead against Junmyeon’s.

 

“He told me to tell you how I feel before it's too late and I lose you. I can’t lose you Junmyeon. You’re important to me. I’m sorry. Love me, love me like I love you. I know you do, please, forgive me for taking so long. I’m dumb and scared. I love you.”

 

Junmyeon started sobbing into the kisses after. They were soft, warm, and gentle. Sehun was being careful knowing that Junmyeon was still very sick. He could feel everything in his chest unraveling. It was like finally taking off something that had been cutting off your circulation, or coming up for air after you’ve swum a long distance. Sehun’s kisses felt like they were breathing life into Junmyeon; life that he had been starved for.

 

For the first time in weeks, Junmyeon didn’t feel alone.

 

 

  


_It’s 7:30._

 

They had taken the entire week to clean up all of the flowers in Junmyeon’s apartment. Sehun encouraged him to see the doctor again after they talked about their feelings. Junmyeon was on medication to flush out the rest of the flowers from his system but he was no longer flowering. He no longer had Hanahaki.

 

There was only one vase left of flowers. Sehun had insisted that they press one and keep a bouquet until they died. Junmyeon didn’t want to really be reminded but Sehun said they were beautiful. Junmyeon kissed his lips telling him he was just as beautiful.

 

_It’s 8:30._

 

Sehun decided to go get some food for them to have. Being sick, Junmyeon hadn’t had time to go get groceries. He sat at the dining room table thinking about how this would be the first dinner they had in weeks. He pulled a flower from the vase and started plucking the petals from it.

 

“He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not.”

 

Sehun leaned down into Junmyeon’s face causing him to blush. He wasn’t aware that Sehun hadn’t actually left the house. He captured his lips in a gentle, warm kiss holding his chin firmly between his fingers confirming things Junmyeon’s heart finally knew.

 

_“He loves you.”_


End file.
